Judging, The Truth, The Real, You're an Idiot!

Judging (verb) means to form an opinion or conclusion about.

 

One thing I can’t stand is when the women in my life that I consider to be close friends, don’t know and understand their worth.  I try to surround myself with people that I can learn from, and who can learn from me.  With that said, it’s not always going to be something positive that we learn from each other.  Sometimes they can look at my mistakes or I can look at theirs and know what message or lesson should be taken from it.  The problem is that every now and then, there is that one friend who decides to tell you that you are judging her or the decisions she is making simply because you decide to stop being quiet and tell the truth. 

The Truth

Anyone who does the same thing over and over expecting a different result is crazy.  That type of behavior is crazy.  So when I look at a woman, a friend, a kind hearted person who I feel has so much to offer the right person and I see them going through the motions when they don’t have to, that’s a problem for me.  I can only keep quiet for so long. 

So If I talk to you and you inform me of a relationship that you are in or situation you are in, I will lend an ear or a shoulder.  If you are a friend, I have no problem doing that.  You have to decide if you want a person who is only going to listen and not comment, or one who will give you their two sense.  Now, I won’t always give my two sense because I know that everyone isn’t always there yet.  They aren’t always at that point where they are ready to receive the message you have to deliver.  However, after years of you complaining about the same things, or my witnessing the same types of behavior, don’t expect me to be quiet.  If I am a true friend, I will tell you not just what you want to hear but what reality is. 

The Real

The real is that I don’t want to see any of my people being taken advantage of.  I don’t want to hear that they are being put down or mistreated and still opt to stay with the same person that is doing all these wrong things to them.  And when the excuse is given that “We have been through a lot, he has been there for me, and I have been there for him…” I don’t want to hear that mess! If you picked up the phone to let your friends know what was going on with you, they could be there for you too.  At some point in a dysfunctional relationship, you have to be the smarter person and say ENOUGH!  Ok, let’s say you’ve gone through a few things.  Some deaths, medical issues, employment issues, whatever it might be, and because you decided to stick around, you feel like it’s a better relationship for it.  My question to that is: Why did it take for all that to happen, for it to now be labeled “a better relationship?”  If it was bad before all those things, and you never took the time to address the issues or fix what was wrong, it’s only a matter of time before it gets right back to that point.  Being an enabler isn’t going to do anything but eventually run you ragged!  Having to walk on eggshells instead of being yourself takes away from the amazing person that your friends are used to seeing.  One-sided relationships never last.  And when I say one-sided, I mean one in which both parties aren’t giving their all at all times.  If you are going to allow someone to make you feel like you are beneath him or her, then they will do just that with no problem.  If you don’t command respect, you won’t get respect.  If you want to put on an act for the folks you consider to be your friends, as if all is well and you are living in Mayberry, then go ahead.  It’s not going to change your reality though. 

Your real friends, no matter how often you are in contact, know you.  When they see a change in their friend, they question the behavior.  They know when you are truly happy.  They know when you disappear and don’t return calls but conveniently end up posting random things in your status, that you are really ashamed of what you are doing.  They know that when things come up in conversation and you try to act as if it’s known fact, that you are trying to drop hints here and there.  It shouldn’t even have to be like that.  It’s not about them judging you.  You are the one judging you.  It’s about you feeling that you are doing something wrong.  If you didn’t feel that how you were going about things was wrong, then you would make a call, or do what most girlfriends do and let people know what the deal is. 

When I talk to you and I tell you that I believe you to be an amazing person who deserves an equally amazing person to be in a relationship with, that’s not me judging you.  When I tell you not to settle for convenience and to know your worth, that’s me trying to get you to see all the great things your friends see, that you are covering up to be in a relationship you are going through the motions in.  When I tell you to stop flip-flopping back and forth and stick to what you say when you say it, that’s me trying to get you to see that there is some part of you that knows it’s not the right fit.  I want to see my friend in a healthy relationship.  I want her to know how great she is and that she deserves the world.  I don’t want to see a new relationship status every few months; you’re in a relationship, you’re not in a relationship.  If you want to talk about what’s immature, that is.  It’s like middle school all over again. 

You’re an Idiot

You both may be great people but not necessarily great for each other.  Everything is for a reason and a season.  If you decided to push for things to last longer than they are supposed to or defend and create reasons for why you think they work well, you won’t get it.  You will just be spending time living under the notion that any time a friend says anything, which should be uplifting to you, that they are passing judgment.  Real friends don’t want to stand around watching each other self-destruct.  If you want to self-destruct, then please, do it while I am not a friend of yours because I can no longer stand by hearing the same mess over and over and seeing the same results.  I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to know your worth.  Clearly you don’t think that you deserve the best and that’s why you aren’t waiting for the right one to come along.  And please don’t ever accuse me of being unsupportive.  If anything, I’m supportive of you being a success in all you do.  I want the best for all my friends.  If you think otherwise, then you’re an idiot.

KEEP HER SECRET

She asked me to keep her secret

But how could I

Knowing that keeping it wouldn’t solve anything

She broke down in tears

Talking about the hurtful words

That sting just as hard as

The lash of a belt across her skin

The words that leave deeper scars

Than the temporary welts from

Whatever device was quickest to grab

She told me that it had been discussed before

Promises were made to try and do better

However those promises fade

After a few days

After a few weeks

A thing of the past when problems arise

And her name seemed to be the only one

On the tip of the tongue to take the blame

She was told that the similarities were

The cause of the abrasive way in which

She was addressed at times

Rough like sand paper these words were

Tearing away at her

Chipping off chunks of her heart

Leaving her in doubt

As to weather she was even loved

Making her question why she was even

In existence

She asked me to keep her secret

But how could I

Knowing that this situation would

Get worse before it could get better

I make an attempt to bless her

With some insight as to how

She can overcome this demon

I explain that she will never be able

To fix another human being

However, it is within her power

To fix herself

To break the cycle

She asked to visit the sanctuary

And I complied without hesitation

She requested my support

In approaching the alter and

I stood firm with a hand on her shoulder

As the tears trailed down her face

Listening to the pastor telling her

He loves you

You are loved

And it matters not what anyone

Says from this day forth

She dedicated her life to God

I knew she would be covered and protected

So it didn’t matter how many hurtful words

Cut through her like a knife

Or how many times her name was

On the tip of someone’s tongue

To take the blame for something

I knew that even if I wasn’t by her side

Watching, guiding, and inspiring

She was protected

And that secret would soon come to light

The hardest part will be when

This hurtful individual realizes

They are missing out on knowing

This amazing little girl

They made a negative mark on her slate

That she would now have to erase

Luckily, she won’t have to do it alone

He follows all his children

Even through the darkest of storms

I know without a doubt

He has His hands on her!

SPEAK (dedicated to my students at Lanning Square School)

This poem is dedicated to my students at Lanning Square School in Camden NJ
Don't ever stop writing or expressing yourselves.  Don't ever be silent in a world where your voice needs to be heard!


SPEAK


I watched mountains being moved today
Messages delivered and received 
From places one least expected 
I gawked at warriors stomping out fear
Overthrowing giants
While pouring out the most honest
Side of their hearts
Showing their true selves
I watched issues that are hardly ever addressed
Being brought to the attention 
Of young minds who 
Live current events on the daily
As they peek out the windows
Of the places they call home
And their ears ring of 
Gunshots and sirens
I stood in awe of an army marching 
Into battle against abandonment
Bullying, ignorance, 
Against domestic violence, racism
Sexism, against molestation
I witnessed straigtforwardness trickling
From their hearts to their mouths
As it tip toed gently on the ears 
Of every listener in the room
I gazed as walls came crashing down
When poets realized how valid
Their words, thoughts, feelings truly were
No one can ever tell you that what you're feeling is wrong
I told them
No one wants you to have these bombs bottled up inside you
Waiting to explode
So unleash them
Look your greatest fear square in the face 
And tell them it stops here
No more will there be innocent lives lost
Because of ignorance
No more will bullies be allowed
To silence their tormentees
No more will a parent's lack of attention
Or inability to face their responsibilities 
Be the storm cloud that hovers over
What should be a glorious day
No more will there be doubt or a need to plead
A case for the love that should come naturally
Nor will anyone question the declarations 
Made of dreams and aspirations for the future
From this day forth, young authors will
Use their words to tell stories, deliver messages 
That often times fall on deaf ears
From this day forth young authors will
Trust that they have the ability to use their voices
To simply SPEAK