Judging (verb) means to form an opinion or
conclusion about.
One thing I
can’t stand is when the women in my life that I consider to be close friends,
don’t know and understand their worth.
I try to surround myself with people that I can learn from, and who can
learn from me. With that said, it’s
not always going to be something positive that we learn from each other. Sometimes they can look at my mistakes
or I can look at theirs and know what message or lesson should be taken from
it. The problem is that every now
and then, there is that one friend who decides to tell you that you are judging
her or the decisions she is making simply because you decide to stop being
quiet and tell the truth.
The Truth
Anyone who
does the same thing over and over expecting a different result is crazy. That type of behavior is crazy. So when I look at a woman, a friend, a
kind hearted person who I feel has so much to offer the right person and I see
them going through the motions when they don’t have to, that’s a problem for
me. I can only keep quiet for so
long.
So If I
talk to you and you inform me of a relationship that you are in or situation
you are in, I will lend an ear or a shoulder. If you are a friend, I have no problem doing that. You have to decide if you want a person
who is only going to listen and not comment, or one who will give you their two
sense. Now, I won’t always give my
two sense because I know that everyone isn’t always there yet. They aren’t always at that point where
they are ready to receive the message you have to deliver. However, after years of you complaining
about the same things, or my witnessing the same types of behavior, don’t
expect me to be quiet. If I am a
true friend, I will tell you not just what you want to hear but what reality is.
The Real
The real is
that I don’t want to see any of my people being taken advantage of. I don’t want to hear that they are
being put down or mistreated and still opt to stay with the same person that is
doing all these wrong things to them.
And when the excuse is given that “We have been through a lot, he has
been there for me, and I have been there for him…” I don’t want to hear that
mess! If you picked up the phone to let your friends know what was going on
with you, they could be there for you too. At some point in a dysfunctional relationship, you have to be
the smarter person and say ENOUGH!
Ok, let’s say you’ve gone through a few things. Some deaths, medical issues, employment
issues, whatever it might be, and because you decided to stick around, you feel
like it’s a better relationship for it.
My question to that is: Why did it take for all that to happen, for it
to now be labeled “a better relationship?” If it was bad before all those things, and you never took
the time to address the issues or fix what was wrong, it’s only a matter of
time before it gets right back to that point. Being an enabler isn’t going to do anything but eventually
run you ragged! Having to walk on
eggshells instead of being yourself takes away from the amazing person that
your friends are used to seeing. One-sided
relationships never last. And when
I say one-sided, I mean one in which both parties aren’t giving their all at
all times. If you are going to
allow someone to make you feel like you are beneath him or her, then they will
do just that with no problem. If
you don’t command respect, you won’t get respect. If you want to put on an act for the folks you consider to
be your friends, as if all is well and you are living in Mayberry, then go ahead. It’s not going to change your reality
though.
Your real
friends, no matter how often you are in contact, know you. When they see a change in their friend,
they question the behavior. They
know when you are truly happy.
They know when you disappear and don’t return calls but conveniently end
up posting random things in your status, that you are really ashamed of what
you are doing. They know that when
things come up in conversation and you try to act as if it’s known fact, that
you are trying to drop hints here and there. It shouldn’t even have to be like that. It’s not about them judging you. You are the one judging you. It’s about you feeling that you are
doing something wrong. If you didn’t
feel that how you were going about things was wrong, then you would make a
call, or do what most girlfriends do and let people know what the deal is.
When I talk
to you and I tell you that I believe you to be an amazing person who deserves
an equally amazing person to be in a relationship with, that’s not me judging
you. When I tell you not to settle
for convenience and to know your worth, that’s me trying to get you to see all
the great things your friends see, that you are covering up to be in a
relationship you are going through the motions in. When I tell you to stop flip-flopping back and forth and
stick to what you say when you say it, that’s me trying to get you to see that
there is some part of you that knows it’s not the right fit. I want to see my friend in a healthy
relationship. I want her to know
how great she is and that she deserves the world. I don’t want to see a new relationship status every few
months; you’re in a relationship, you’re not in a relationship. If you want to talk about what’s
immature, that is. It’s like
middle school all over again.
You’re an Idiot
You both
may be great people but not necessarily great for each other. Everything is for a reason and a
season. If you decided to push for
things to last longer than they are supposed to or defend and create reasons
for why you think they work well, you won’t get it. You will just be spending time living under the notion that
any time a friend says anything, which should be uplifting to you, that they
are passing judgment. Real friends
don’t want to stand around watching each other self-destruct. If you want to self-destruct, then
please, do it while I am not a friend of yours because I can no longer stand by
hearing the same mess over and over and seeing the same results. I cannot stress enough how important it
is for you to know your worth.
Clearly you don’t think that you deserve the best and that’s why you
aren’t waiting for the right one to come along. And please don’t ever accuse me of being unsupportive. If anything, I’m supportive of you
being a success in all you do. I
want the best for all my friends.
If you think otherwise, then you’re an idiot.
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