Using "I Love You" As A Weapon

Have you ever felt as if the words “I love you!” were used as a weapon against you?  Often times we humans act with emotion as our foundation.  We pine, we ponder, we plot, and we wait to hear the words.  As though hearing them will validate us somehow.  We assume that hearing them will place us on level ground.  No longer do we question our worth to the person professing.  We assume that person would never use such words as an “in” or a tool to throw us off balance; break down our walls to the point where we suddenly have tunnel vision seeing only them in our sight.  We hope that because we know how valuable the words are to us, that the person professing would hold them just as dear.  It’s funny how it doesn’t always turn out that way.

There is only one person who loves us to the ends of the earth, with all our faults, even when we are in doubt about whether they truly care.  Only one who loves us so much that He would have us experience all the bad so that when good presents itself, we know just what to look for.  He is the only one that will guide us through trials because of His undying love that exists for us.  All we have to do is simply love Him back; show the same thought and consideration that we know.  Show Him that we know without a shadow of a doubt that everything He does is for our betterment.  He would never use His love as a weapon against us, however He would use it to protect us from all that is constantly circling around us trying to draw us away from Him.

Love is something that shouldn’t be toyed with.  It is a powerful force.  Love creates lives, it takes lives, it also lingers long after its target has left.  If you have ever had one of those moments when you questioned if what you once felt for someone was truly love, or if you have ever really been in love because things didn’t really work out and you felt as though if it were love, then it would have lasted, STOP!!  Take a minute to recognize that there is a love that you experience daily, every time you open your eyes.  Don’t question why if you were loved, would certain things continue to happen TO YOU.  Recognize that things happen FOR YOU!  They happen for you to appreciate the life that you have, the people who would never use three little words as a weapon against you, and for you to appreciate what He gives you daily so that you might recognize when someone is being untrue.  Now, not knowing this love could cause you a hurricane of negative experiences and negative people blowing through your life.  But knowing His love could put you on the path to greatness.  Once you hit that path and all the things and people in front of you begin to make sense, you will realize what true love is. 

Loving him unconditionally will strengthen your relationship not only with Him, but also with others who share that same love for Him.  That strong foundation will make for less bumps, twits, and turns along your path.  It’s like the song says, “to know, know, know Him, is to love, love, love Him, and I do....” When you do trust and believe that, no three worded weapon formed against you will prosper!! 

His Divine Will contributed by Jarel Turner

God doesn't lead two "halves" to be brought together to make each other, or oneself whole. His Divine Will leads two who are already whole independently/individually in Him & brings them together to make them one.

However we have Free Will. And our insisting on certain things are possible because of His Permissive Will, even with Him being ALL powerful.

Just know that if He has a whole person out

 there for you, He wants to complete His work in you first, so you can be that whole person back to them. That's the true sacrifice of love. Sacrificing "self" for God first. A deeper revelation of love of the first position in knowing how to give it properly. If you can't receive or give the love of God what "type" of love are you giving? #Faulty. #WeForgetHeCreated...HeISLove.

You don't have to chase down what He has for you & it does not include a burdensome yoke. Such situations are not "destined" to be nor are such parties your soul mate.

If it's not His Will, it's a distraction, a deception & a delay on what He really has for you...in all aspects of life. Things you won't have to chase down, just fearlessly walk into through Faith & Confidence by His Holy Spirit. #He'sAGodOfOrder.

In all matter of truth we all have situations or issues of varying degrees (outside of relationships) in which we have accepted a substituted provision over His (God's) Best. These provisions have their part in our growing process of life and are usually a result of our haste,

 making our own provision, & not waiting on or seeking the guidance of The Holy Spirit with patience which is always ON TIME but not usually within the time of our microwave society.

As we all reach for progress & not perfection it is time wasted to play a comparison game on how deep or shallow someone may be within His Divine Will or may not be.

It's about perspective regarding those things we fight for in life that ultimately are in vain for they leave us less than what we started with. While there is a reality of maybe an uncontrollable detachment in many areas of life it's a contradiction to believe the God who has all good things for you has destined something that you are literally fighting for, killing you or stealing your victory. He doesn't have such things for us. It's a cause for reflection and examination of reality.

In the aspect of relationships if someone is constantly controlling your time, emotions, & imposing the lie that without them you can't survive, making you feel you don't know how you'll go on or start over and you don't see happiness in life or the abundance in starting over - that is not fighting for love. It's the low level practice of witchcraft as it seeks to control and keep you away from progress, His Best. You don't have to submit to that. Practice your free will in the sense for the better!

God's Word should be all about understanding, and love, and it is however, sometimes in translation, in delivery, pride, misunderstanding whatever the case may be people misconstrue judgement with feeling challenged.

A perspective a given only for enlightenment and if it does not apply then don't try and put a shoe on your foot which doesn't fit. However, if it does fit and you don't like the way it looks it may just be that somewhere deep inside there's a challenge to do better.

All I share regarding the insight of God's Word is rooted in love for at most I can say is the fact that the one thing He has shown me is how to love better, His Way. Only by HIS Grace has darkness not consumed ALL our lives, not matter how good or "Holy" we may see ourselves... that we have time to come to His saving knowledge, & that we are enabled by His Holy Spirit to share the joys and wonders of it even when we're still working on getting it right ourselves.

I know fully The Law in it's entirety points to Christ - the deepest revelation of Love, Joy & Piece...it should not be used as a weapon to impose legalistic tradition & religion that is not of God...unfortunately people associate their history of such with the same Faith that they have found in a personal relationship with Christ. It's unfortunate, the two are not the same.

If you're not sharing Christ with people you're sharing a bunch of self helping, legalistic impositions presenting a form of godliness which only seeks to change one's outward compliance & not their heart.

I love God, I love people...I always have, and only with Him did I learn to love both parties better.

With that being said all that I say which is related to God, is said & motivated by love for when I truly found His Love, all things became new & I know without a shadow of a doubt He can, and wants to do the same for everyone I know if they let Him. We live in a society where being strong is equated with carrying our issues with a smile, and is accepted versus going through the challenge of facing them to give us freedom. He'll heal areas you didn't even know were wounded! Glory to God!

GIVE AWAY OUR POWER -contributed by Irileria Muhammad EMT Teacher in Abu Dhabi, Al Garbia

I am always amazed at how easily we give away our power as women. Granted, I have been there. God gave us the same brain, the same heart, the same voice, the same lungs, but we are so quick to subjugate ourselves to a man. I am not by any means saying the two are the same, but they are, INDEED, equal. The backseat, behind, under, outside of, the man is not where I will be. But I will still firmly and proudly by your side. We have incorporated chauvinism into religion, and then we repeat it. No wonder so many God-fearing women have self-esteem issues. We keep hearing philosophies that say you are the reason for man's downfall (Eve), you are why he is weak (Delilah), you bring out lustful desires (Jezebel). So in essence, what I get from that is that man is such a weak being and women must play up to his weaknesses and hide our essence as opposed to him stepping up and just being a man, and fighting himself. He must be protected and coddled, even at the expense of women. Well, if God tells you not to do something and a WOMAN says do it, and you follow the woman, be very clear, that YOU ARE THE PROBLEM, NOT the woman. And 2,000 years of backwards teaching does not change that.

Unfortunately, it is the undercurrent in MOST religions, religions sect, churches, etc.... And though I am in a country that has some very interesting male/female dynamics... I actually see WAAAAY more of this at home from a group that my friend Ebony so lovingly calls the "handmaiden club", and unfortunately too many women are in this group (knowingly or unknowingly).

Who Knows What's Best For Me?

“This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.” Isaiah 48:17 NIV

Sometimes we forget who orders our steps and leads our path.  We plan ahead as if we know what tomorrow will bring.  We schedule, we make things time sensitive, and we drive ourselves crazy if we are late or if things don’t happen according to our plans. 

I have been on this journey for almost a month now.  I have surprised myself by my level of calm in certain situations.  Coming from a place where schedules and deadlines ruled my world, it's difficult to allow someone else to have all the control.  However, I realized that if I was going to embrace this experience fully, that I needed to let go of the rains, give everything to God, and have faith in the fact that he controls all things and by his grace and mercy we are able to see another day much less plan for one.  

This is one of the first times in my teaching career that I have had to completely allow someone else to do all the planning.  They planned everything from my departure from the US to my school placement.  I still don’t even know what grade I’m teaching, and school starts on Sunday (today is Monday).  The funny thing isn’t that I don’t know. It’s that I am not stressing about it or anything for that matter.  From day one of this process I put everything in God’s hands.  I asked Him to make this opportunity a reality for me if he thought that I deserved it.  I know that He would never let me down. 

I often forget that my walk may not be understood or accepted by everyone.  They may not understand my lack of worry.  They may not get why all the negative comments about this experience don’t have my head spinning.  And they surely may not understand why I would want to drive an hour and a half or two hours every week to attend church.  I know I didn’t get to this level of calm alone.  There wasn’t some instructional manual that I read that enabled me to simply breathe rather than blow up at people, make offensive or inappropriate comments, show my behind in public or spout words on social media, or simply just come off as unapproachable or unruly.  I have taken this experience to be one in which I will learn more about my strengths and my weaknesses.   I guess in a way I wonder which is going to be more work, my learning more about myself or being the type of teacher that my students want to learn from.  Whenever I get to deep into thought, I just talk to Him and turn it over to Him.  He knows what’s best for me and there will never be a time when I have to doubt that.  I am ready for this learning experience.  I will be a student right along with the kids in my classroom.

Live Out Your Purpose!

In a world that does its best to make us a little fuzzy around the edges, some people still manage to have bold outlines.  They know who they are, what they're about, and what they alone can give.  And just like them, the gifts they share are bold, bright, and beautiful.  Do what you have been called to do, not what you think those who are watching expect you to do.  Sometimes what you are called to do might make them look at you sideways.  However, God is looking at you straight on.  And he knows when you are doing His will.  It doesn't matter how many other eyes are on you because His are the only ones that count.  Live out your purpose folks! #FreeUpMyLifeNow!

Escape These Jacked Up Situations

I pick up my students often to take them out with me to church and other events that they wouldn't normally get to attend.  Lately the topic of conversation in my car has been about who got shot and the chicks on the corner.  I make my pick up on Royden Street in Camden and as we drive past the alley, I watch the police lay out the red cones with numbers on them for the shell casings they found.  The area is corded off with yellow tape and it's literally just a few feet away from the front door I stopped at.  I drive to the corner and look to my left to see a large truck with flashing lights labeled police.  Across from that vehicle there is a smaller truck also labeled police. Then there are several police cars randomly placed and even a few cops on bikes, which isn't the norm for that area.  I turn to my right and the corner across the street is lined with candles burning.  Across from that, still many faces hanging in front of the corner store that my students tell me they are no longer allowed to walk to.  They tell me there is a war going on in Camden and kids are being shot and stabbed and they aren't much older than them.  One child tells me how the boys that would normally be on the corner are now being killed off. Too bad they decided a life on the corner is better than the straight and narrow.  I drive a bit further down the block and see a parent of a former student of mine.  I ask her where he was.  She tells me that because it's so bad out there she has him staying at someone else's house.  I nod my head in agreement but I'm questioning why she is sitting outside on the stoop chillin', while her kids are staying elsewhere for safety reasons.  Doesn't she value her life?

We turn the corner on Broadway and drive down the block witnessing the street walkers in their creative yet scantily clad outfits.  The kids laugh for some reason because they think these women standing on the corner selling their bodies or looking like zombies because of the drugs they are on is funny.  So I ask them why they are laughing.  One child says that she thinks it's funny they are standing there waiting to be picked up.  I tell her that I don't find it to be funny at all.  I think it's quite sad.  She said she thought it was messed up but yet still funny.  I explain to her that I doubt that any of these women said that when they grew up they wanted to go stand on a corner and get picked up.  I told her that when she looks around her neighborhood, she should want better for herself.  She should want better for the people she sees.  I told her to make sure I don't ever see her standing out there on anyone's corner.  She said that would never be her.  I explained to her that I'm sure at least one of the women out there once said the same thing.  It would never be them, or they would never do something like that.  What she needs to remember is to never place herself in a position to ever have to be out there, or never be hooked on a drug or dependent on someone or something who would place her out there like that.

Every day I spend with these kids, it gets harder for me not to want to help them escape these streets, these times, and these jacked up situations that they are thrusted into. Dr. Phil says, "Perception is reality!" So if these kids perceive their current situations as the way that the world is supposed to be, I fear they will not break the cycle.  I want to drill it into their heads that just because they are surrounded by disfunction, it doesn't mean they have to allow it to consume them.  Funny thing is that out of all the girls who have been around me, I think I am only getting through to one.  Honestly, I have to take that as a positive rather than a negative.  One is better than none.

Judging, The Truth, The Real, You're an Idiot!

Judging (verb) means to form an opinion or conclusion about.

 

One thing I can’t stand is when the women in my life that I consider to be close friends, don’t know and understand their worth.  I try to surround myself with people that I can learn from, and who can learn from me.  With that said, it’s not always going to be something positive that we learn from each other.  Sometimes they can look at my mistakes or I can look at theirs and know what message or lesson should be taken from it.  The problem is that every now and then, there is that one friend who decides to tell you that you are judging her or the decisions she is making simply because you decide to stop being quiet and tell the truth. 

The Truth

Anyone who does the same thing over and over expecting a different result is crazy.  That type of behavior is crazy.  So when I look at a woman, a friend, a kind hearted person who I feel has so much to offer the right person and I see them going through the motions when they don’t have to, that’s a problem for me.  I can only keep quiet for so long. 

So If I talk to you and you inform me of a relationship that you are in or situation you are in, I will lend an ear or a shoulder.  If you are a friend, I have no problem doing that.  You have to decide if you want a person who is only going to listen and not comment, or one who will give you their two sense.  Now, I won’t always give my two sense because I know that everyone isn’t always there yet.  They aren’t always at that point where they are ready to receive the message you have to deliver.  However, after years of you complaining about the same things, or my witnessing the same types of behavior, don’t expect me to be quiet.  If I am a true friend, I will tell you not just what you want to hear but what reality is. 

The Real

The real is that I don’t want to see any of my people being taken advantage of.  I don’t want to hear that they are being put down or mistreated and still opt to stay with the same person that is doing all these wrong things to them.  And when the excuse is given that “We have been through a lot, he has been there for me, and I have been there for him…” I don’t want to hear that mess! If you picked up the phone to let your friends know what was going on with you, they could be there for you too.  At some point in a dysfunctional relationship, you have to be the smarter person and say ENOUGH!  Ok, let’s say you’ve gone through a few things.  Some deaths, medical issues, employment issues, whatever it might be, and because you decided to stick around, you feel like it’s a better relationship for it.  My question to that is: Why did it take for all that to happen, for it to now be labeled “a better relationship?”  If it was bad before all those things, and you never took the time to address the issues or fix what was wrong, it’s only a matter of time before it gets right back to that point.  Being an enabler isn’t going to do anything but eventually run you ragged!  Having to walk on eggshells instead of being yourself takes away from the amazing person that your friends are used to seeing.  One-sided relationships never last.  And when I say one-sided, I mean one in which both parties aren’t giving their all at all times.  If you are going to allow someone to make you feel like you are beneath him or her, then they will do just that with no problem.  If you don’t command respect, you won’t get respect.  If you want to put on an act for the folks you consider to be your friends, as if all is well and you are living in Mayberry, then go ahead.  It’s not going to change your reality though. 

Your real friends, no matter how often you are in contact, know you.  When they see a change in their friend, they question the behavior.  They know when you are truly happy.  They know when you disappear and don’t return calls but conveniently end up posting random things in your status, that you are really ashamed of what you are doing.  They know that when things come up in conversation and you try to act as if it’s known fact, that you are trying to drop hints here and there.  It shouldn’t even have to be like that.  It’s not about them judging you.  You are the one judging you.  It’s about you feeling that you are doing something wrong.  If you didn’t feel that how you were going about things was wrong, then you would make a call, or do what most girlfriends do and let people know what the deal is. 

When I talk to you and I tell you that I believe you to be an amazing person who deserves an equally amazing person to be in a relationship with, that’s not me judging you.  When I tell you not to settle for convenience and to know your worth, that’s me trying to get you to see all the great things your friends see, that you are covering up to be in a relationship you are going through the motions in.  When I tell you to stop flip-flopping back and forth and stick to what you say when you say it, that’s me trying to get you to see that there is some part of you that knows it’s not the right fit.  I want to see my friend in a healthy relationship.  I want her to know how great she is and that she deserves the world.  I don’t want to see a new relationship status every few months; you’re in a relationship, you’re not in a relationship.  If you want to talk about what’s immature, that is.  It’s like middle school all over again. 

You’re an Idiot

You both may be great people but not necessarily great for each other.  Everything is for a reason and a season.  If you decided to push for things to last longer than they are supposed to or defend and create reasons for why you think they work well, you won’t get it.  You will just be spending time living under the notion that any time a friend says anything, which should be uplifting to you, that they are passing judgment.  Real friends don’t want to stand around watching each other self-destruct.  If you want to self-destruct, then please, do it while I am not a friend of yours because I can no longer stand by hearing the same mess over and over and seeing the same results.  I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to know your worth.  Clearly you don’t think that you deserve the best and that’s why you aren’t waiting for the right one to come along.  And please don’t ever accuse me of being unsupportive.  If anything, I’m supportive of you being a success in all you do.  I want the best for all my friends.  If you think otherwise, then you’re an idiot.

KEEP HER SECRET

She asked me to keep her secret

But how could I

Knowing that keeping it wouldn’t solve anything

She broke down in tears

Talking about the hurtful words

That sting just as hard as

The lash of a belt across her skin

The words that leave deeper scars

Than the temporary welts from

Whatever device was quickest to grab

She told me that it had been discussed before

Promises were made to try and do better

However those promises fade

After a few days

After a few weeks

A thing of the past when problems arise

And her name seemed to be the only one

On the tip of the tongue to take the blame

She was told that the similarities were

The cause of the abrasive way in which

She was addressed at times

Rough like sand paper these words were

Tearing away at her

Chipping off chunks of her heart

Leaving her in doubt

As to weather she was even loved

Making her question why she was even

In existence

She asked me to keep her secret

But how could I

Knowing that this situation would

Get worse before it could get better

I make an attempt to bless her

With some insight as to how

She can overcome this demon

I explain that she will never be able

To fix another human being

However, it is within her power

To fix herself

To break the cycle

She asked to visit the sanctuary

And I complied without hesitation

She requested my support

In approaching the alter and

I stood firm with a hand on her shoulder

As the tears trailed down her face

Listening to the pastor telling her

He loves you

You are loved

And it matters not what anyone

Says from this day forth

She dedicated her life to God

I knew she would be covered and protected

So it didn’t matter how many hurtful words

Cut through her like a knife

Or how many times her name was

On the tip of someone’s tongue

To take the blame for something

I knew that even if I wasn’t by her side

Watching, guiding, and inspiring

She was protected

And that secret would soon come to light

The hardest part will be when

This hurtful individual realizes

They are missing out on knowing

This amazing little girl

They made a negative mark on her slate

That she would now have to erase

Luckily, she won’t have to do it alone

He follows all his children

Even through the darkest of storms

I know without a doubt

He has His hands on her!

SPEAK (dedicated to my students at Lanning Square School)

This poem is dedicated to my students at Lanning Square School in Camden NJ
Don't ever stop writing or expressing yourselves.  Don't ever be silent in a world where your voice needs to be heard!


SPEAK


I watched mountains being moved today
Messages delivered and received 
From places one least expected 
I gawked at warriors stomping out fear
Overthrowing giants
While pouring out the most honest
Side of their hearts
Showing their true selves
I watched issues that are hardly ever addressed
Being brought to the attention 
Of young minds who 
Live current events on the daily
As they peek out the windows
Of the places they call home
And their ears ring of 
Gunshots and sirens
I stood in awe of an army marching 
Into battle against abandonment
Bullying, ignorance, 
Against domestic violence, racism
Sexism, against molestation
I witnessed straigtforwardness trickling
From their hearts to their mouths
As it tip toed gently on the ears 
Of every listener in the room
I gazed as walls came crashing down
When poets realized how valid
Their words, thoughts, feelings truly were
No one can ever tell you that what you're feeling is wrong
I told them
No one wants you to have these bombs bottled up inside you
Waiting to explode
So unleash them
Look your greatest fear square in the face 
And tell them it stops here
No more will there be innocent lives lost
Because of ignorance
No more will bullies be allowed
To silence their tormentees
No more will a parent's lack of attention
Or inability to face their responsibilities 
Be the storm cloud that hovers over
What should be a glorious day
No more will there be doubt or a need to plead
A case for the love that should come naturally
Nor will anyone question the declarations 
Made of dreams and aspirations for the future
From this day forth, young authors will
Use their words to tell stories, deliver messages 
That often times fall on deaf ears
From this day forth young authors will
Trust that they have the ability to use their voices
To simply SPEAK

Saving and Saturating Souls

So I took one of my students to church with me today. She had been asking me to take her since before our spring break. I figured there was a reason. Anyway, today she had this look about her. Deer in headlight, allergies, mixed emotions; I don't know what it was. However, when pastor asked if anyone wanted to give their life to Christ, I gave her a little nudge to ask if she wanted to. She sad next time. Now I know that with things like this, next time could mean never. So I told her I would go with her if she wanted me to. As soon as I offered,she said yes. We got to the alter and pastor started talking to her and letting her know that she was a child of God and no matter what anyone tells her, that she is loved by him, etc. I think we both knew his words were just what she needed to hear because I know for a fact that she doubts it at times. She broke out into tears and I kept my hands on her just to let her know I was there and I had her back.

After church, we went to the movies. On the way there, we talked about what she thought it meant to be saved. She said she was confused at first because another church she attended said she was too young to be saved. She said she realizes now that she isn't too young. And she appreciated the way my pastor spoke to her because she understood every word. We also talked about what happens now. I told her to think of it as a clean slate. None of the things that happened before today matter. What matters now is that she lives her life according to God and his word.

New Jerusalem House of God. Saving and saturating souls!

Zimmerman Gets Financial Support In Exchange For Murder

"We wanted to help someone who we feel has been wronged and found guilty in the court of public opinion,” Chris Kossmann of Legal Boom, told HLN. “People have been crying for justice but we don’t think people know what real justice is. As of yet nobody’s stood up for him [Zimmerman].”  The National Association for Legal Gun Defense says it will donate $10,000 to help pay for his legal expenses and Legal Boom, a Florida-based gun rights group, pledged to back Zimmerman, whose reputation, they say, has been unfairly "ruined." -quotes taken from AOL news articles.

-Are these people for real?  If this isn't racism in its rarest form, then I don't know what is.  They are backing a man who took the life of an African American teenager for no reason, after being heard on a dispatch radio calling him a "N".  If the tables were turned, that African American teen would have been behind bars from jump.  Now this man is opening paypal accounts to get money for himself.  He quit his job, he didn't get fired.  So why should the public donate money to him?  He hasn't even been charged with anything so what does he need money for?  And these crazy people out here donating to him, yall are just saying that his crime is justifiable.  At this rate our youth have nothing to worry about when it comes to getting old and gray because the system will have them all shot or killed in some other form before they could hit their 30s.

Easter Sunday-Living a "Better Life"

Just attended Easter Service at Vineyard Community Church in Miami. Focus for today: How can I live this "Better Life?" We all want to live a better life in some way. Some want more money, a better job, a bigger house, to find their life partner, start a family, etc. What we have to remember is "You will not succeed by your own strength or power, but by My Spirit, says the Lord." Zechariah 4:6.  Don't go off thinking you have it all under control and you can do it all and make your dreams come true without God. There is safety and security in knowing that He is with you through every life experience (good or bad). And every trial you may face isn't because He doesn't care or He isn't there. They happen for exactly the opposite. If He didn't care or wasn't there he might just let you continue to do some of the crazy things in life that you did before knowing Him and accepting Him into your heart. As you come alive with new life this Easter, let it be one in which Christ gives all meaning.

Waiting

People say life is funny at times.  I say, God is funny.  He does things on a daily basis that I have to laugh at.  I was reminded of something the other day and I had to take a moment and reflect on the comedian that God can sometimes be.

There was a time when I had to put my grieving aside and assist the man I was in a relationship with.  He was in the middle of having a house built and making selections of various household essentials.  Everything from furniture to the kitchen back splash had to be chosen, and there were times when he would have me make the decision for him.  I didn't have any experience with tile, grout, or anything of the sort.  However now I can say that I do.

The other day I was in Home Depot with my sister.  She was picking out a hard wood floor for her room.  While she sat with the salesman setting up her order, I walked around looking at tile and back splash samples.  Standing there overlooking the samples I found myself actually selecting the ones I thought would work best in my kitchen.  Now, I don't own a home as yet, but I have been checking out some places just to get an idea of prices and other formalities.  However, I am no where near needing to pick out anything.  Going down the isle and running my hand across the samples, I recalled the one I had picked out for his kitchen.  That's when I had to laugh.  I didn't laugh out loud because I didn't want anyone in ear shot to question what I was laughing at.  I got chills up my arm, and suddenly it hit me.  Because of all the steps I watched him take, all the decisions I helped him make, all the things that still needed to be completed that weren't, and all the things he did that he shouldn't have done, I learned a lot.  I learned about all the things that I would want to do to my house when I get it.  I learned about all the moves I wouldn't make and all the little things that matter the most.  Everything from the floors to the closets; from the faucet to the crown molding, is etched in my mind.  I couldn't help but think that He could have saved me some time and hurt by just telling me all he wanted me to know, but then my appreciation for everything may be different.  My experience level would definitely be different.

I might have been hurt a year ago, or questioning what the point of our relationship was if it was going to come to such a horrid end.  What I should have been doing though was waiting on God to show it all to me.  Sometimes the pieces of the puzzle don't come together as fast as we would like for them to.  Sometimes you learn something one day, and you learn something else several months later.  Other times the things you think mean one thing, may mean something else.  Rather than constantly bombarding God with angry questions, or confusion, all I needed to do was wait.  So many people ask God for things and don't take the time to listen for his response.  They take it upon themselves to say God said this and God told me that when it really isn't God.  Their selfish wants and desires are placed before their ability to simply wait on God. They convince themselves that these things are happening because God ordered them to happen, when it really is just them being impatient and trying to justify their selfishness.  Questioning why God would do certain things, good or bad, to you rather than realizing why he did something for you will be the downfall that many of us face.

At the end of the day, what I will always remember to do, is wait on God.  I will remember that the pieces may not fit right away, but my puzzle will be completed over time.  Not on my time but on His time.  And I will always know, without a shadow of a doubt, that He is doing what He is doing "for me" and not "to me." And knowing is half the battle.

Who Will Be Victorious? Money or God?

Some people love money so much that they are willing to do anything to keep what they have, or gain more.  They use money as a way to influence people to do what they want or need.  Money can become that paperweight they hold over you to keep you down. They will promise to love you for life, partner up with you in business to become successful, sell you a dream and convince you that you are what that dream needs to come true, provide you with just enough of an “in” to get by but keep you grabbing at their heels to get over, some will jump over hurdles, do a dance, act out an entire play, be your best friend, or whatever else they need to if it means that dollar will be there in the end.  Others may use it to look down on those with less, or simply forget that they didn't come from money.  

 

Some people think that money will buy them cleansing.  If they give just enough to charity, family, church, and whatever good cause, it will provide them safe entry into The Kingdom of Heaven.  However, it can’t buy them healing or deliverance.  You could donate to the most charities, smile for cameras and tell the world that you are humble and God-fearing, do volunteer work, read God’s word every day and try to live accordingly, but none of it matters if your heart isn’t in the right place.  People forget that God knows their hearts and everything they are thinking.  

You could be in the prime of your career, on the come up, in the best relationship with the woman or man that you love, passing that difficult test, landing that dream job, on that amazing vacation that you always wanted to take, finally getting a chance to live the life you put on hold, and God can take it all away.  When you spend more time buying lavish things like expensive jewels, cars, friendships, and multiples of things you already own simply because you can afford to, instead of planning for the possibilities and unexpected happenings of the future, you are truly running off track.  If you aren’t smart enough to see when the devil is baiting you, then you surely will fall into his trap.  How long you stay in that trap will be determined by your heart and willingness to not only listen to God when he says yes, but also when he says no.

At the end of the day, money means nothing.  How much you have means nothing when you end up living a lie or selling your soul to hold on to it.  Though it’s convenient, and could make for a comfortable life, the old saying could still apply; “More money more problems.”  Never knowing if people truly have your back, if you have any real friends, if they will stick around when all the money is gone, or if all the little perks of being you with a boat load of cash will be the same as you with thin pockets, will run you ragged.  You will spend more time interrogating and analyzing rather than simply living.  You will constantly need validation from others to prove that you are what you claim to be.  However, the only one you need validation from is God.  The only person you need to give to is God.  When you bless him, he will bless you in the midst of overwhelming odds.  He doesn’t care about all your money because that won’t go to the gates with you.  If you get real with God, he will get real with you.  Your love of money should never supersede your love for God and his word.

The Devil vs. a Proverbs 31 Woman

So many people have shared their opinions with me on my previous relationship.  They have either been family or friends with first hand knowledge and insight, or outsiders looking in.  However, no one has ever broken it down like a friend did for me last night.  We were both talking about our triumphs in regards to our last relationships and after lending an objective ear, a very important question was asked. 

“What does the devil do with a Proverbs 31 woman?”

I was at a loss for words while thinking about all the details mentioned in Proverbs 31.  Though a bit delayed, my response was “ I guess the devil can’t do anything with a Proverbs 31 woman.  She loves with no restrictions, and she does things that God has placed on her heart.  The devil would only try to break down a woman that displays such strength and love.”

My friend told me that was the point that he was trying to make.  Then he asked me to listen very carefully to the next few things that he was about to say.

“I don’t want you to ever change the type of person that you were before this experience simply because you chose to love the wrong man.  Don’t think that you need to punish any other man because of the wrong this one man did to you.  Realized this, he was intimidated by you.  You were too independent for him.  You weren’t needy enough.  You may have made him feel like he was less of a man and for that he decided to hurt you. 

He made a conscious decision to cheat.  He found someone while he was supposed to be working on his craft.  While you were back at home being supportive and giving positive feedback, he was seeking another woman.  In his mind he decided to “cheat up.”  This woman had to give the allusion that she was somehow better than you.  She needed to have a lot if not more going for herself.  The fact that he chose someone in an industry he was trying to break into is not surprising at all.  He needed her to be someone that you would be offended by because that was all apart of hurting you. 

You were a creature that he had no experience dealing with.  You weren’t after his money.  You worked for a living.  You didn’t want to yell and scream things out because you didn’t come from that type of environment.  You were comfortable not being in the limelight.   Keeping up with the Jones’ wasn’t something you felt strongly about.  All these things threw him for a loop so he kept pressing the issue of why you loved him or wanted to be with him.  There may have even been a part of him that knew once you saw him for what he was, you wouldn’t want to stand by him anymore.  Standard procedure in that case is to get out before you got hurt. 

Not only did he cheat, he made sure to “act” as though he was being straight up with you from the beginning.  You were given just enough information to keep you believing that he was doing right by you.  All those promises of a future together and working to build a solid foundation were just smoke signals to cover up what he was really doing.  He was shopping for something new before it was even obvious that there was a need to.  And let’s not forget his use of the Bible and God to justify his dirty deeds.  He will have to answer for that later on.  He will have to explain why he decided to misuse the word of God.  He failed to understand that while he was praying and fasting, he was still vulnerable to the devil.  As a matter of fact, the devil preys on you most at those times.  While you are praying to God and waiting to hear his promise, you need to be able to decipher between his voice and that of the devil.  And believe me, even though it may seem as though he got over on you and he managed to come out on top, he is still hurting.  He will never truly know anyone who will do all that you did for him unconditionally.  He will never know if those he has decided to surround himself with are there with him for the right reasons as compared to all the people he has shut off and cut out of his life because of his new lifestyle.  He will continue to struggle if he never resolves these issues he has with jumping from one relationship to the next without taking the time needed to reflect and heal.

What I want is for you to make sure you have fully released him out of your heart.  There isn’t any need for you to be bitter, or angry about anything because you were doing what was needed to maintain the relationship you thought you were building on.  We often times ask God to move certain mountains for us, and to make certain things come to fruition, but we aren’t always ready to accept what he has to say when it happens.  You have to be willing to accept God’s yes as well as his no.  The relationship wasn’t right because you put that man before God.  You treated him better than you treated yourself, and as a result, you suffered for it.   God crumbled that relationship.  Now it’s time for you to walk the path that he has in mind for you, put him first, and make sure that when he shows you his promise that you live out your purpose.”

After hearing all of this I was truly emotional.  It was almost as if God had sent this person to prophesize over my life and explain the things that I would never get answers to if I went and asked my X the questions.  Though I feel I have long since moved on and have released this man out of my heart, there will be things that are hard to forget.  In the two years that we were together, we did a lot.  We experienced many life-changing events while in each other’s lives.  Unfortunately, our hearts were in two different places and our lives were moving in different directions.  And although he made it seem as though a future together was a priority and a possibility, he was being deceptive.  The funny thing is that what he did to me doesn’t bother me nearly half as much as the people he involved in our lives.  Our friends and family, pets, even his kids didn’t need to be apart of the lie.  I have never been or will I ever be a selfish person.  I don’t plan on making anyone else suffer simply because I don’t know how to deal with my emotions, past experiences or encounters.   Nor do I plan on involving anyone else in any dramas that might be going on in my life, if it has nothing to do with them.  Those things need to be resolved before I even think of attaching myself to anyone. 

The fact of the matter is that the signs were there all along, however I ignored them.  I wanted to believe in the person I had fallen for.  I wanted to believe in the man of God, the loving and nurturing father, the person who could be humble and down to earth despite the crazy lifestyle he lived, and the man who was professing his love for me.  The man I should have placed my focus on is the creator, because he would have guided and protected me.  Unfortunately, when you stray from your purpose, He places storms in your life to redirect your steps and guide you to your true destiny.  Without a doubt, I know that God has something great in store for me.  Something greater than anything I have experienced to date.  I know that I am a woman of God and I will live out my purpose.   I will continue to be a Proverbs 31 woman and God will make all things possible for me.  I truly hope and pray that my X realizes that God will never direct him to hurt those he claims to love or send him spiraling out of control if he is walking the walk.  We are all a work in progress.  However, if you don’t take steps toward correcting mistakes, they will follow you through out whatever you do.